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2010 in review

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads This blog is doing awesome!.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,600 times in 2010. That’s about 4 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 23 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 83 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 32mb. That’s about 2 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was November 19th with 44 views. The most popular post that day was Lego! No, Seriously. Let Go, I’m Not Forking Out That Much!.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were twitter.com, bigextracash.com, facebook.com, flickr.com, and neowin.net.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for schrodinger, erwin schrodinger, stephen hawking, erwin schrödinger, and chisel tip highlight.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Lego! No, Seriously. Let Go, I’m Not Forking Out That Much! August 2010

2

The Clone Saga – They Think It’s All Over… August 2010

3

You Win This Time, Credit Card! August 2010

4

Slight Return September 2010

5

The Clone Saga – Beyond Thunderdome August 2010

Ancient Weapons & Bad Puns Are No Match For A Good Blaster At Your Side, Kid!

There is a fair bit of Star Wars referencing going on in my blog.

It’s a it strange too cos I’m not that a huge pedantic fan, though I know a few, but the originals are quality (the prequels too to a much lesser extent).

I guess it’s just one of those things that is easy to apply to all aspects of your life and things that go on. There is always an opportunity to fire off a quote from the film or a hideous pun..

Which brings me to my main point.

Puns.

Star Wars puns.

Sometimes they are great, like this:

"I Find Your Lack of Face Disturbing"
click through to buy a t-shirt with this design

or this:

"I Feel a Disturbance in the Horse"

(both the above by Chris McVeigh)

But then there is my recent pun, which I felt compelled to turn into a “work of art”.

Actually, the reason I came up with this one was that I was looking at the different searches that have lead people to this blog. At first I was seeing completely mental sets of search terms, for example:

So, physics students and perverts are my core audience?

and

"carbonite is forever" - Imagine what kind of a James Bond film that would've been?

not forgetting the classic

That's fuckin' deviance right there, that is!

But it was the 1st of December when I looked at the search terms and saw this:

"Lego Boa Boa Fett"

and I was in fucking stitches.

“Boa Boa Fett”? BOA fucking BOA? Ha ha. I thought that was brilliant.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it that whole day and eventually decided that I would attempt to create something based on that search term as a t-shirt design to punt on Redbubble.

Naturally I dropped the superfluous second “Boa” (who wouldn’t, right?) and was then left with “Boa Fett” which I thought was fairly humorous at the time but since have figured it to be a really poor example of a Star Wars* pun .

Still, bad pun or not, I started my creation.

It wasn’t long til I came upon my first problem… I’m a shitty drawer (I’m sure I’ve alluded to that previously in this ‘ere blog). However, a bit of persistence and I was off an running.

I had envisioned this dramatic full frame piece featuring the scaly, glistening face of a Boa Constrictor decaled out to look like Boba Fett’s helmet. Alas, my skills have yet to reach such proficiency and the end result was something much different.**

That said, it’s not “bad” different, just different different. Kind of like when they changed Jennifer, Marty’s girlfriend, in Back to the Future from Claudia Wells in part 1 to Elizabeth Shue in the following adventures

They are both decent birds but Shue wins cos she got the tits out in Leaving Las Vegas

and not at all like when Darth Lucas changed the Force Ghost of Anakin Skywalker from Sebastian “Yooo werrr riiiiiiiightt” Shaw to Hayden “Sandhater” Christensen.

C'mon, Lucas. You don't even have him looking in the right fuckin' direction.

So, I’ve finished my “design”. Not as good as I hoped but I’m happy enough.

I’ve made four versions but the only alterations are text additions. Click the pics to see the designs in different t-shirt colours (and buy in bulk for that added discount).

The Baddest Bounty Hunter in the Jungle/Galaxy

Boa Fett!

Yo, dawg! I put a pun in your pun so you can pun while you're punning!

Calssic Mandalorian script. What d'you mean you "can't read it"?

Leave a comment if you have opinions on them (those 5 of you that are reading my blog).

Cheers

Malc
(actually I am a huge pedantic fan – just ignore that introduction above)

*I don’t really know why I’ve italicised all the movie titles but left things like “Boba Fett”*** as standard?

**Anyone who does have the skills though, feel free to attempt a more dramatic, cooler, version of “Boa Fett”.

***Ha ha, I actually typed “Bobo Fett” as I was writing that line. Fuckin’ “Bobo”! Ha ha, can see it now, a little Bonobo chimp wearing Fett’s helmet, wanking like he’s about to die! Quality, and I think it’s evolved to being called “Bonobo Fett”. I think that’s next on the list (if I can learn to draw properly).
 

The White Stuff

The white stuff.

Bet your thinking “another post about clone sex/auto-fellatio/great arcing ropes of jism/etc” aren’t you?

Ah, memories!

Well, I hate to disappoint but, just for a change, I’m talking about the other white stuff…

That’s right cocai- No, not fucking cocaine. Who said that?

Snow, I’m talking about snow. Good old-fashioned glistening, wet and white snow (does sound sexy when I put it like that doesn’t it?), and what a bunch of it we’ve had.

It’s crazy though. I’m sure I’m not the only sad case blogging about it, but what the fuck is up with the council? Fucking, once a fucking year it’s like this..if that! Once a fucking year the place comes to a standstill and folk hit the panic button.*

We’ve had a healthy dose of snow over the last few days but cars are still driving, the sun is still rising (allegedly) but folks just can’t handle it. A few towns over from me they’ve run out of milk and bread.

The entire town!

No milk!

No bread!

“It’s the apocalypse!” Fucking morons – and that’s offensive to morons**

Mushroom cloud

A mushroom snow cloud. Signalling the End of Days (if you live in Cowdenbeath)

Anyway, enough bitching. This post is about photos.

SNOW! Good God y’all. What’s it any good for? Going fucking sledging!

Yes, sledging. Awesome fun. You are never too old, unless your 90 (and dying painfully of hypothermia, scrabbling around on all fours, like a dog, looking for a hole to crawl into and expire).

Took the boys down the park on the first day of the snow (Sunday the 28th November for my bit of the world) for an epic sledging adventure.

As expected though, the snow was threadbare like a badly laid carpet covered in the BFG’s dandruff.

What's left of his hair is supposed to be black. Fuckin' manky all that dandruff. Have a wash you big bastard.

Still, the boys had a laugh and I took a dose of photos.

What a Face!

"To winter's chilly touch doth golden autumn yield"

Surfin' the Snow

We only lasted about an hour as it was baltic and the boys were a bit too wet to be hanging about in the freezing cold.

As I was wrangling them up Charlie says to me

“Dad, can I go through your legs?”

“Aye, sure son.”

“Cool.” he says with a mischievous little laugh that I took for excitement more than anything else.

So up the skate ramp he goes (for that, dear friends, is the death trap we were using to get the most speed and exhilaration – as I said before:  carpet/dandruff/BFG/threadbare) and gets ready. I, meanwhile, pass the camera to Jamie’s pal and tell him to take a photo of Charlie motoring on through between my open legs in his sled.

Moments later he is building to warp speed, down the ramp, heading straight for me and the gap between my legs.

Closer.

Closer.

Time seems to slow down as the sled and Charlie, giggling like a schoolgirl, hurtle towards me. I prepare myself to guide him through so that no injury occurs. The nose of his sled crosses the threshold betwixt my stems of ambulation and then…

CRUNCH! A tiny fist. right in the fucking bullets!

Right in the Bullets

Little fucker!

Telling you I’d have ripped him a new one if I hadn’t been laugh-weeping at his audacity and forward planning.

Nicely played, son. Nicely played.

Malc

*Well all apart from the one guy I saw out cleaning the snow of his and his neighbours (plural) cars at 07:50 this morning. He was dressed for it wearing a woollen tammy on his head along with a brown cosy looking dressing gown, green wellies and pink marigolds. Not a fucking joke either – wish I had had my camera with me.

**I wanted to use the word retard here but I felt that that was too…too…retro. Yes, too retro.

Photos by the Boy

Just posted a couple of photos to flickr.

Here is original jpg from the panorama I took of my LSD bathroom:

Magic Eye Wallpaper (Pano)

Arrrgh, my eyes!

Crazy fucked up that is.

But these two Lego Star Wars numbers were taken by the wee boy (though I did the processing).

He was on about taking some photos for ages and then went and got the DSLR. He wouldn’t let me set up a stage though so took the photos while playing with the toys. Still, they look not bad at all.

Chopped

I chopped 'is little fackin' 'ead orf

and

No, no, no, no! How do I turn this thing off?!?!

No, no, no! How do I turn this thing off?!?!
First TK422, then those poor droids and now...now...Woody! Nooooooooo!

Nice to encourage them and get them into photography (as long as he doesn’t start to outshine me!)

Malc

From Jingo to…oh, fuck it.

here:

Shut up! I fixed it...alright?

 

Redbubble links:

Fucked up Boba version

and rectified Jango version

I’m away to cry in the corner.

 

Malc

From Jango to Jingo[ism]

UPDATE!! – Right, before the pedants see this…yes I fucked up. “Jango to Jingo” but I used Boba ‘s distinctive red colouring rather than Jango’s less distinctive blue colouring.

I am an erse! I will fix it in another update after work but I think I shall keep the original.
———-

Jango Fett + Jedi Master Sifo Dyas + Kaminoans = Jango Clones

Jango Clones + Training + Accelerated Growth + Trade Disputes = Cannon Fodder Clone Troopers

Clone Troopers + Darth Sidious + Order 66 + non clone recruits = Storm Troopers

Ta da. See my maths is still kick ass.

Anyway….

Made a new “design” that I have uploaded to Redbubble. It features the visors and surround colours of the helmets from Jango Fett, Clone Troopers and Storm Troopers beacuse, as well as being cloned, Jango’s Mandalorian armour was likely the inspiration for the Clone Troopers armour which later evolved into the Stormies armour.

You'd think they'd get more work out of the Troopers if they turned those frowns upside down*

I might be wrong on that point and I await the vilification of fanboy pedants across the globe.

I made the visors sharp but kept the background colours a bit “grungy” – would look better if I had a tablet but I don’t so it doesn’t.

Buy or don’t buy there is no trial.

Malc

*I wonder if anyone has done that before? To google!