Tag Archives: learning

Photos by the Boy

Just posted a couple of photos to flickr.

Here is original jpg from the panorama I took of my LSD bathroom:

Magic Eye Wallpaper (Pano)

Arrrgh, my eyes!

Crazy fucked up that is.

But these two Lego Star Wars numbers were taken by the wee boy (though I did the processing).

He was on about taking some photos for ages and then went and got the DSLR. He wouldn’t let me set up a stage though so took the photos while playing with the toys. Still, they look not bad at all.

Chopped

I chopped 'is little fackin' 'ead orf

and

No, no, no, no! How do I turn this thing off?!?!

No, no, no! How do I turn this thing off?!?!
First TK422, then those poor droids and now...now...Woody! Nooooooooo!

Nice to encourage them and get them into photography (as long as he doesn’t start to outshine me!)

Malc

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Slight Return

Well, it’s been a while since I was last here. Don’t know why really, just busy with other things. Other things, I may add, which have been quite mundane – don’t think I’ve got a single funny story!

Or do I…….?

Nope, I don’t.

I suppose I could reveal some snippets of information in bullet point kind of form, in order to get me back into the swing of writing shit down on this ‘ere blog.

Let me see.

1. I had a vasectomy towards the end of August!

Got to tell you it’s the easiest thing in the world. The biggest problem came when the surgeon, in a huff, had to phone 4 or 5 other nurses on their days off to come in and help manoeuvre my massive cock out of the way so he could work. I made a big deal of apologising but insisted that there was a danger of death by fox if I didn’t bring him along.

Other than that, it was a fucking breeze.

I even got to watch the operation. He cut a little hole in my nutsack and pulled through the Vas Deferns tube. With a flick of his wrist he sliced a bit of tube out with his scalpel. Easy-peasy. The bit he cut out looked a bit like the just cooked Cheesy Pasta (before you add the powdered sauce mix)- I forgot to ask to keep it.

Cheesey Pasta

A box filled with the discarded snippets of Vas Deferns of a million men. All for 79p with cheesey sauce powder thrown in for free.

The only other interesting bit about the operation is getting told to spunk in a cup after 16 weeks and the murder of 24 salvos of innocent babies. I waited just 11 hours to “batter” off the first salvo (really like that term: salvo. It’s got a real ring to it).

Little bruising, no pain, a little discomfort in bending down for about 4 days and that’s fucking it. Like i said, easiest thing I’ve ever done – you “blokes” who are afraid or say it’s painful…yer all fuckin’ pussies.

Pussies

Take your pick you so called

Actually, that’s another thing – why call it the “snip” when I clearly saw the surgeon perform a “slicing” move? I decree that heretoforthwiththereafter that the common name for a vasectomy shall be “The Slice”.

What else?

Oh, yeah.

2. Turned my Clone Saga epic into a little book (buy here if interested).

The cover of the most awesome book ever printed.

and a view of the inside of the most awesome book ever printed.

As Steve Jobs would say “It’s pretty cool”.

3. Received training in Disaster Victim Identification (DVI).

Apparently high fiving a fragmented corpse is a no-no and they suggest that I cease doing the same with “normal” corpses. Whut-eva.

Me giving a cadaver a high five.
(not really you crazy bastards, I'd get the sack publishing such a photo)

And,

4. I made a new bit of art.

This is actually an early version - couldn

Not my usual style but I likes it a lot. Even use it as my iPhone wallpaper. It’s called “Impelial Japonhees Navy” – yes, yes I know “casually racist” but since there is no IJN anymore I think I can get away with it.

I made it after making this picture of Isoroku Yamamoto:

Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto - strong with the Force is he.

to use as my avatar on twitter after I had been overcome by the Force Ghost of the man. He’s since left my mortal coil and I am back to {Banzaaaiiii!!} normal.*

Think that’s about it, really. Pretty poor couple of weeks, eh?

I have an input to give to a bunch of pro & amateur photographers in November so I am going to make an effort to go out and do more photo stuff myself. I will, of course, reflect these ventures in this ‘ere blog. Probably.

Now, I’m off to complete salvo #32 towards eventual sterility. I know it’s only 24 that are needed but I like the practice.

Malc

One, more thing (also something Steve Jobs would say). My laptop has died. It’s been sputtering along on it’s last legs for about a year and a half. I’ve had to open it up on a few occasions and replaced dead parts with bits scavenged from other machines (I’m actually shocked it worked at all after that) but now it is finally dead.

This makes me very sad. Very sad indeed. Specially since I have not the funds to buy a new one. So, any updates to my blog will come from my iPhone or the wifes netbook. However, should you wish to assist with funds to replace my dead laptop with a new MacBook Pro (just the 13″ screen will do) please contact me via the comments box and I’ll get back to you with details on where to send your cheque. Thanks.

Malc

*Don’t ask, if you don’t follow me in twitter then you missed all the fun.

Wheel, Wheel. He Finally Did It!

A different kind of post today.

After almost an entire year of having his bike the wee lad, finally, has learned to go it without stabilisers.

He’s only “ridden” the thing about 3 times since we bought it last year. Turned out, even after trying him on it at the store, the thing was a bit too big and heavy for him to manage.

Being highly adept at turning my hand to new skills and not fearing anything, except “…not being there!”, I figured he’d be like me and just sit on it and go.

Da  Bodyguard

Costner "being there" to save Whitney from the animal fists of Bobby-to-the-Brown. Pity he wasn't there to save her from skanking out on the junk. Still 1 out of 2 isn't bad.

Alas, it was not to be.

Bought stabilisers for it and took him out. Boy was terrified! Would cycle no more than, say 1 mph, and swaying horrendously to one side only to over-compensate and bounce to the other side with a wail of terror.

Today, though, we decided to take him down the park for one last attempt before just selling the bike to Big Mike – an Oopma Loompa we know that lives down the road from us – and be done with it.

Lo and behold, 2 exhausting hours later (well, exhausting for me anyway as the missus just sat under a tree playing Scrabble on her DS Lite while I kept up a steady run behind the bike, lying to the boy saying: “Yes, I’m still holding on,” *puff, pant* “just keep pedalling!”) he doth cycle.

Result.

And all it took was a promise of a new toy if he did the deed.

So, I may be £12 out of pocket but at least I can walk down the street, head held high. No more embarrassed excuse making when folks with kids 3 years younger than mine say “Sorry? He can’t ride a bike?” and stifle a laugh.

Fuck you people like I just described in the above paragraph which preceded this sentence. Fuck you.

Yeah, fucking Horatio has my back!

Malc