Tag Archives: star wars

Ancient Weapons & Bad Puns Are No Match For A Good Blaster At Your Side, Kid!

There is a fair bit of Star Wars referencing going on in my blog.

It’s a it strange too cos I’m not that a huge pedantic fan, though I know a few, but the originals are quality (the prequels too to a much lesser extent).

I guess it’s just one of those things that is easy to apply to all aspects of your life and things that go on. There is always an opportunity to fire off a quote from the film or a hideous pun..

Which brings me to my main point.

Puns.

Star Wars puns.

Sometimes they are great, like this:

"I Find Your Lack of Face Disturbing"
click through to buy a t-shirt with this design

or this:

"I Feel a Disturbance in the Horse"

(both the above by Chris McVeigh)

But then there is my recent pun, which I felt compelled to turn into a “work of art”.

Actually, the reason I came up with this one was that I was looking at the different searches that have lead people to this blog. At first I was seeing completely mental sets of search terms, for example:

So, physics students and perverts are my core audience?

and

"carbonite is forever" - Imagine what kind of a James Bond film that would've been?

not forgetting the classic

That's fuckin' deviance right there, that is!

But it was the 1st of December when I looked at the search terms and saw this:

"Lego Boa Boa Fett"

and I was in fucking stitches.

“Boa Boa Fett”? BOA fucking BOA? Ha ha. I thought that was brilliant.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it that whole day and eventually decided that I would attempt to create something based on that search term as a t-shirt design to punt on Redbubble.

Naturally I dropped the superfluous second “Boa” (who wouldn’t, right?) and was then left with “Boa Fett” which I thought was fairly humorous at the time but since have figured it to be a really poor example of a Star Wars* pun .

Still, bad pun or not, I started my creation.

It wasn’t long til I came upon my first problem… I’m a shitty drawer (I’m sure I’ve alluded to that previously in this ‘ere blog). However, a bit of persistence and I was off an running.

I had envisioned this dramatic full frame piece featuring the scaly, glistening face of a Boa Constrictor decaled out to look like Boba Fett’s helmet. Alas, my skills have yet to reach such proficiency and the end result was something much different.**

That said, it’s not “bad” different, just different different. Kind of like when they changed Jennifer, Marty’s girlfriend, in Back to the Future from Claudia Wells in part 1 to Elizabeth Shue in the following adventures

They are both decent birds but Shue wins cos she got the tits out in Leaving Las Vegas

and not at all like when Darth Lucas changed the Force Ghost of Anakin Skywalker from Sebastian “Yooo werrr riiiiiiiightt” Shaw to Hayden “Sandhater” Christensen.

C'mon, Lucas. You don't even have him looking in the right fuckin' direction.

So, I’ve finished my “design”. Not as good as I hoped but I’m happy enough.

I’ve made four versions but the only alterations are text additions. Click the pics to see the designs in different t-shirt colours (and buy in bulk for that added discount).

The Baddest Bounty Hunter in the Jungle/Galaxy

Boa Fett!

Yo, dawg! I put a pun in your pun so you can pun while you're punning!

Calssic Mandalorian script. What d'you mean you "can't read it"?

Leave a comment if you have opinions on them (those 5 of you that are reading my blog).

Cheers

Malc
(actually I am a huge pedantic fan – just ignore that introduction above)

*I don’t really know why I’ve italicised all the movie titles but left things like “Boba Fett”*** as standard?

**Anyone who does have the skills though, feel free to attempt a more dramatic, cooler, version of “Boa Fett”.

***Ha ha, I actually typed “Bobo Fett” as I was writing that line. Fuckin’ “Bobo”! Ha ha, can see it now, a little Bonobo chimp wearing Fett’s helmet, wanking like he’s about to die! Quality, and I think it’s evolved to being called “Bonobo Fett”. I think that’s next on the list (if I can learn to draw properly).
 

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Photos by the Boy

Just posted a couple of photos to flickr.

Here is original jpg from the panorama I took of my LSD bathroom:

Magic Eye Wallpaper (Pano)

Arrrgh, my eyes!

Crazy fucked up that is.

But these two Lego Star Wars numbers were taken by the wee boy (though I did the processing).

He was on about taking some photos for ages and then went and got the DSLR. He wouldn’t let me set up a stage though so took the photos while playing with the toys. Still, they look not bad at all.

Chopped

I chopped 'is little fackin' 'ead orf

and

No, no, no, no! How do I turn this thing off?!?!

No, no, no! How do I turn this thing off?!?!
First TK422, then those poor droids and now...now...Woody! Nooooooooo!

Nice to encourage them and get them into photography (as long as he doesn’t start to outshine me!)

Malc

From Jango to Jingo[ism]

UPDATE!! – Right, before the pedants see this…yes I fucked up. “Jango to Jingo” but I used Boba ‘s distinctive red colouring rather than Jango’s less distinctive blue colouring.

I am an erse! I will fix it in another update after work but I think I shall keep the original.
———-

Jango Fett + Jedi Master Sifo Dyas + Kaminoans = Jango Clones

Jango Clones + Training + Accelerated Growth + Trade Disputes = Cannon Fodder Clone Troopers

Clone Troopers + Darth Sidious + Order 66 + non clone recruits = Storm Troopers

Ta da. See my maths is still kick ass.

Anyway….

Made a new “design” that I have uploaded to Redbubble. It features the visors and surround colours of the helmets from Jango Fett, Clone Troopers and Storm Troopers beacuse, as well as being cloned, Jango’s Mandalorian armour was likely the inspiration for the Clone Troopers armour which later evolved into the Stormies armour.

You'd think they'd get more work out of the Troopers if they turned those frowns upside down*

I might be wrong on that point and I await the vilification of fanboy pedants across the globe.

I made the visors sharp but kept the background colours a bit “grungy” – would look better if I had a tablet but I don’t so it doesn’t.

Buy or don’t buy there is no trial.

Malc

*I wonder if anyone has done that before? To google!

Return of the Japs Eye*

At last! At last!

I have returned to the land of computers.

After a month and a bit sans processing power and the ability to “do my photies” I have successfully acquired a suitable user input device to allow me to surf the Webs of Inter and type shite like this.

2 days prior to Hallowe’en I got myself a MacBook Pro 13″ and it’s fucking quality.

Um, excuse me. Your insides are showing

I’d never had a Mac before. I had used one a few times and even tried hackintosh on my pc but, after playing around with it, found it had no real advantage over my Windows set up with all my apps installed.

However, I was keen to get one this time and so I did. I thought that I might end up putting Windows 7 on it and using it as a Windows laptop but, in the end, the reverse of the previous paragraph occurred. I put Win7 on, used it for a little bit and found it provided no real advantage to my new OS X with all my apps installed.

Weird, eh? Well maybe not.

So, I’m back in the land of couch-lock**, bad posture and RSI.

Huzzah!

With no excuse to stop me taking photographs now I plan to get back on the case. I’ve already taken one image this past week, of a certain room within my new house, but more of that in a later post.

For now, I’ve transferred photos that were stuck in my cameras SD card and processed but one. It’s just a quick shot of the boy in the bath, cropped and textured for atmosphere.

Wash (click through for Flickr)

Well aware, I am, that funny this blog post is not but, as a wise man once said to me:

“Can you make a candle out of your own earwax?”

Well, can you? Exactly.

Malc


*Aye, aye. I know. There is no real reason to have such a title as it has no relevance to the text. I just wanted a funny Star Wars related title…and that was the best I could come up with at short notice.

It was either the above or “Episode 4: A New Hip” which makes even less sense.

 

**well not really couch-lock as many understand it but, rather, being sat on the couch not moving much, for hours, looking at a screen and remaining as uncommunicative as a corpse. You know what I’m on about.

Slight Return

Well, it’s been a while since I was last here. Don’t know why really, just busy with other things. Other things, I may add, which have been quite mundane – don’t think I’ve got a single funny story!

Or do I…….?

Nope, I don’t.

I suppose I could reveal some snippets of information in bullet point kind of form, in order to get me back into the swing of writing shit down on this ‘ere blog.

Let me see.

1. I had a vasectomy towards the end of August!

Got to tell you it’s the easiest thing in the world. The biggest problem came when the surgeon, in a huff, had to phone 4 or 5 other nurses on their days off to come in and help manoeuvre my massive cock out of the way so he could work. I made a big deal of apologising but insisted that there was a danger of death by fox if I didn’t bring him along.

Other than that, it was a fucking breeze.

I even got to watch the operation. He cut a little hole in my nutsack and pulled through the Vas Deferns tube. With a flick of his wrist he sliced a bit of tube out with his scalpel. Easy-peasy. The bit he cut out looked a bit like the just cooked Cheesy Pasta (before you add the powdered sauce mix)- I forgot to ask to keep it.

Cheesey Pasta

A box filled with the discarded snippets of Vas Deferns of a million men. All for 79p with cheesey sauce powder thrown in for free.

The only other interesting bit about the operation is getting told to spunk in a cup after 16 weeks and the murder of 24 salvos of innocent babies. I waited just 11 hours to “batter” off the first salvo (really like that term: salvo. It’s got a real ring to it).

Little bruising, no pain, a little discomfort in bending down for about 4 days and that’s fucking it. Like i said, easiest thing I’ve ever done – you “blokes” who are afraid or say it’s painful…yer all fuckin’ pussies.

Pussies

Take your pick you so called

Actually, that’s another thing – why call it the “snip” when I clearly saw the surgeon perform a “slicing” move? I decree that heretoforthwiththereafter that the common name for a vasectomy shall be “The Slice”.

What else?

Oh, yeah.

2. Turned my Clone Saga epic into a little book (buy here if interested).

The cover of the most awesome book ever printed.

and a view of the inside of the most awesome book ever printed.

As Steve Jobs would say “It’s pretty cool”.

3. Received training in Disaster Victim Identification (DVI).

Apparently high fiving a fragmented corpse is a no-no and they suggest that I cease doing the same with “normal” corpses. Whut-eva.

Me giving a cadaver a high five.
(not really you crazy bastards, I'd get the sack publishing such a photo)

And,

4. I made a new bit of art.

This is actually an early version - couldn

Not my usual style but I likes it a lot. Even use it as my iPhone wallpaper. It’s called “Impelial Japonhees Navy” – yes, yes I know “casually racist” but since there is no IJN anymore I think I can get away with it.

I made it after making this picture of Isoroku Yamamoto:

Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto - strong with the Force is he.

to use as my avatar on twitter after I had been overcome by the Force Ghost of the man. He’s since left my mortal coil and I am back to {Banzaaaiiii!!} normal.*

Think that’s about it, really. Pretty poor couple of weeks, eh?

I have an input to give to a bunch of pro & amateur photographers in November so I am going to make an effort to go out and do more photo stuff myself. I will, of course, reflect these ventures in this ‘ere blog. Probably.

Now, I’m off to complete salvo #32 towards eventual sterility. I know it’s only 24 that are needed but I like the practice.

Malc

One, more thing (also something Steve Jobs would say). My laptop has died. It’s been sputtering along on it’s last legs for about a year and a half. I’ve had to open it up on a few occasions and replaced dead parts with bits scavenged from other machines (I’m actually shocked it worked at all after that) but now it is finally dead.

This makes me very sad. Very sad indeed. Specially since I have not the funds to buy a new one. So, any updates to my blog will come from my iPhone or the wifes netbook. However, should you wish to assist with funds to replace my dead laptop with a new MacBook Pro (just the 13″ screen will do) please contact me via the comments box and I’ll get back to you with details on where to send your cheque. Thanks.

Malc

*Don’t ask, if you don’t follow me in twitter then you missed all the fun.

1 Sale Down, Four Hundred and Ninety Seven Thousand Nine Hundred and Twenty Eight To Go

Yes, yes I could have just written 497,928 in the title but where is the fun in that. Plus, it goes a long way to proving I can spell the above numbers (though Sxi still defeats me).

So, I sold my first t-shirt. Well, actually www.redbubble.com sold a t-shirt with one of my designs on it for the first time.

That’s me well on the way to fame and fortune! YAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS! Ahem.

Turns out that the purchase was made in A$. That’s dollars from Austrailiamate! Other side of the fucking world, get in.

What was the design you say? Ah, a classic piece of artwork depicting a stick man (from signage fame) giving himself a blow job. It’s called “Bawsdeep” which is short for the original title I gave it when creating it:- “Baws Deep In My Ane Moof”* or “BDIMAM” for very short.

So awesome it barely even needs a caption.

There are actually two versions of – Yes, a blow job, you did read that correctly.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Two versions. One with jrizzle (my own word combining “jizz” and “drizzle”) showing and one without and this fabulous persons (I assume it was a male) will shortly be walking along some antipodean street proudly displaying a jrizzle free version.

So, I’m hoping that will get the ball rolling (directly into the mouth, ha ha) and folk will buy more shirts to give me some cash. But, alas, I fear this will not be the case.

At any rate, I’m going to try and keep putting up new stuff. Photos will follow soon (for buying prints – the original purpose of starting this blog!) and probably more t-shirt designs when I re-learn how to use Adobe Illustrator.

When I do re-learn Illustrator I’m going to try and do this in line art stylee (photo is too low res for anything other than 4×6″ prints):

Paints & Thinners (Get it? Saints & Sinners but if they worked for B&Q)

I also, possibly, might, maybe, could even augment the Bawsdeep image:

I know I am.

or perhaps this should be the final version:

There is always room for Star Wars references - I wonder Jedi could Force Chug?

Alright, alright, enough filthy talk.

Have a look at the other stuff I’ve uploaded for sale on RedBubble.

I’m off to limber up đŸ˜‰

Malc

*Baws= Balls. Ane=Own. Moof=Mouth. Obviously.

“You Can Go About Your Business…Move Along”

In addition to last nights rant on Star Wars branded lego here is a film still style photo of Luke, Old Ben Kenobi, C3P0 and R2-D2 attempting to befuddle a Sandtrooper and his little flying camera friend.

Think I'd like to see a gangsta reboot of the Star Wars saga:
"Wassup, ma Nigga? Na, man, these ain't no droids da muthafuckin Empire be axing bout!"
or
"Am about a bust a cap in yo weak-ass mind wit tricked out Jedi powers, fool" *

Info for geeks:

Nikon D40.
35mm
f6.3
1/6 second
Little process in Photoshop to make the grainy film look.

Malc

*casual racism aside I think a gangsta parody, shot scene-for-scene might be quite humorous.